"Oh Jessica, you’re a wonderful sister!" or Sweet Valley Twins #2, Teacher’s Pet

Jessica Wakefield is an insufferable cunt*.

I didn’t read a TON of the Sweet Valley books growing up. I probably read a dozen of the SVT series and maybe a dozen of the SVH series. And for some reason, this is the book of all of those that sticks out in my head the most.

Jessica and Elizabeth have been taking ballet classes for a few weeks now. Their teacher, Madame Andre, loooooves Elizabeth (because who wouldn’t!) who is, according to Jessica, the Teacher’s Pet. Jessica is a superior dancer but is ignored in class my Madame Andre. (Maybe because in book #1 for their first ballet class, Jessica tried to become the center of attention and M.A. has never forgiven her for that.)

M.A. announces a recital, the ballet Copelia. (Didn’t Jessi also dance in that??) There are tryouts. Jessica’s bitchy unicorn friends are all sure Jessica is going to get the lead role of Swanilda. Because everyone knows that the unicorns are the most special and beautiful. The most humble too, evidently. At tryouts, Jessica kicks ass. Elizabeth does OK, but Elizabeth gets the part because she is the Teacher’s Pet.

Jessica acts like her world is crumbling the fuck down and treats Elizabeth like shit. She spreads it around the school that Elizabeth only got the part because she is M.A.’s teacher’s pet. And because they are the Wakefields, EVERYONE at Sweet Valley Middle School actually gives a shit. One day Elizabeth is practicing in the basement and Jessica helps her with some moves. M.A. gives Elizabeth all this credit for practicing so much at home. Elizabeth spies Jessica practicing one night and HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! Jessica is soooooo uber-talented. Elizabeth realizes that M.A. made a mistake in selecting her for the role of Swanilda.

Instead of Elizabeth just thinking “too fucking bad for Jessica, she’s gotta learn that not everything in life is going to go her way,” Elizabeth comes up with a crackpot “identical twin” scheme where she will pretend to twist her ankle and ask Jessica to replace her at the last minute. And EVERYONE fucking falls for it. Because there is nothing that the great Elizabeth Wakefield can’t fix. We gotta get her working on that whole Israel/Palenstine thing next.

After the recital, M.A. is busy having a huge orgasm over how well “Elizabeth” did as Swanilda, and they tell her the truth. Instead of being PISSED that her students tricked her, she is ashamed that she has been overlooking a true talent like the great Jessica Wakefield.

In a really lame subplot, Amy Sutton (pre-bitch days) is forced by her parents to take ballet. She sucks ass though, so she steals the lifesize doll, Copelia before the recital and offers to take the doll’s place on stage. And M.A. doesn’t get mad over that either. Sheesh.

  • Really? A few weeks in to ballet lessons and they are ready for a recital?
  • Look at that cover. Those are some womanly hips on those little sixth graders.
  • Isn’t eleven years old kind of late to be just beginning in ballet?
  • Gag, I totally forgot about the Wakefield’s Spanish styled split level house. And their van. Do you think Ned uses that van to prey on unsuspecting wholesome Sweet Valley teens?
  • Even as far back as sixth grade, Elizabeth thinks Sweet Valley is the greatest place to live. That’s before she gets to high school and there are all kinds of rapes, murders, drunk drivers, etc. there.
  • Thanks to Francine Pascal and Ann M. Martin, I thought that ALL ballet teachers were old french ladies.

*I must apologize for my use of the word cunt. I know many many people are more offended by that word than any other. It’s a word that I happen to love and will pull out only when I feel it is truly called for. Like in describing Jessica Wakefield.


About nikkihb

Wife. Mother. Reader. Blogger.
This entry was posted in ***CUNT LOG, really awful books, Sweet Valley. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to "Oh Jessica, you’re a wonderful sister!" or Sweet Valley Twins #2, Teacher’s Pet

  1. Susan says:

    Wow, I didn’t think I had ever read SVT, but I remember Elizabeth “spraining” her ankle to let Jessica have the part. Weird what sticks out.

  2. zanne says:

    I used to love the Sweet Valley Twins books, even better than Sweet Valley High. Loved the recap!Yeah, 11 years old is a bit late to be starting ballet. However, I took ballet when I was 25! ha! I did take one ballet class when I was 5, but other than that, it was my first time trying ballet. It was fun!

  3. BananaBomb says:

    For me, “cunt” is the ultimate bad name. I read a bunch of SVT and even still have a few. My faves were the special editions. One is called “BIG for Christmas” where the twins make some stupid wish at a carnival, and overnight they turn into 16 year olds. The cover opens up and it’s SVH-era twins standing there in SVT-twins’ pajamas.

  4. Pingback: Good things happen in threes | Are You There Youth? It's Me, Nikki

  5. Krystal says:

    Seriously, read the one with Sandra. I think the book is called ‘Jessica’s Worst Idea’ or something, but she honestly got me mad throughout the entire book.

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