"The brain, the brain, the center of the chain…."Or The Baby Sitter’s Club Movie

I’m so lazy. I just finished reading Jacob Have I Loved, but I didn’t take notes on it. So I took the lazy-man way out. I watched a movie to recap. Of course it is the BSC movie, so it counts. My blog, my rules, right? Oh, if you have Comcast Digital Cable, you can watch this for free On Demand. Not that I’m advocating you getting Comcast, because if you have a choice, I’d advocate you NOT getting Comcast.

Anyway, I watched this while playing trucks and play-doh with my son, so I didn’t really catch the whole thing. My son (who is almost 2 1/2) was just thrilled that I had the TV on during the day. Normally he gets 1/2 hour in the morning and 1/2 hour before bed. So he was thrilled at first. Then he realized I wasn’t watching Thomas and Friends, or Wonder Pets, or Dora, or Diego, or Elmo and he got a little pissed…..which is when I brought out the Play-Doh.

So I don’t really need to introduce the cast of characters, because if you’re reading this, you know who is in the BSC-niverse. Kristy is played by Schuyler Fisk, which is kinda creepy because my husband has a big old crush on her now. She’s Sissy Spacek’s daughter, and is now an extremely talented singer-songwriter. But at 13, she was Kristy Thomas. MaryAnne was played by Rachel Leigh Cook, who’s been in lots of things I haven’t seen. Same with Bre Blair, who plays Stacey. Claudia was played by Tricia Joe, who hasn’t done anything since this movie. Dawn was played by Larissa Oleynik, a.k.a. Alex Mack (a,k.a. one of Shawn’s girlfriends on Boy Meets World). Mallory was played by Stacey Linn Ramower, who hasn’t done much. Jessi was played by Zelda Harris. I recognized her immediately as the adorable Troy from Crooklyn. In my opinion, only Kristy and Mary Anne seemed true to their characters, and really the only somewhat decent actors.

Soooo…..Kristy gets one of her “great” ideas. Running a summer day camp for the kiddies in Stoneybrook. What’s that you say? Yes, they did do that in #7, Claudia and Mean Janine, yet this couldn’t have been the same summer, because Claudia mentions Dead Mimi in the movie. Just another example of the Stoneybrook space-time continuum. But you know this camp will get lots of kids, because the shitty Stoneybrook parents will do anything to NOT watch their own kids.

So whilst the girls are planning their day camp, they keep running into Cokie Mason and her two lackey friends. Cokie tries to get Logan to go see Smashing Pumpkins with her. (Have you ever heard Stephen Lynch’s song, What if that guy from Smashing Pumpkins Lost His Car Keys? It’s fucking hilarious. AND I’m going to see Stephen Lynch at the Warner Theater on March 28th!). Mary Anne is all doormatty and can’t be like “Fuck you Cokie, I OWN him.” And Logan is kind of a douche and never outright says no to Cokie. By the way, Cokie is played by Marla Sokoloff, who was Claudia’s sexually abused friend in Party of Five and was in the surprisingly hilarious movie Sugar & Spice. So Kristy pretends to make nicey nice with Cokie and her friends whose names I missed because I was busy driving making Lightning McQueen chase Mack the Truck all over our living room. Kristy invites them to a party at the park at 8:30 sharp, which just so happens to be the time the timed sprinklers come on. Hilarity ensues!

So the day camp starts and because these girls fucking suck as baby sitters, a whole bunch of the kids are tossing random shit into the neighbor’s yard. Mrs. Haberman is portrayed as a crotchety old lady, but I totes sympathize with her. For reals, these girls are running a day camp for a good 20-30 kids in Dawn and MaryAnne’s backyard. Richard made them sign all sorts of contracts and they couldn’t even be bothered to fucking ask the neighbors? Also, Mrs. Haberman never does anything but garden, evidently.

Kristy and Mary Anne are riding their bikes back to Kristy’s after the first day of daycamp. And guess who is sitting outside the Brewer mansion? None other than Patrick Thomas, Kristy’s ne’er do well estranged biological father. He is up for a sportswriter gig in town and wants to reconnect with Kristy. But not with Charlie, Sam, or David Michael. Kristy doesn’t know what to think, but does promise to meet up with him. Also he drives a rape van!

Meanwhile….Stacey has a regular babysitting gig for Rosie Wilder. Rosie’s cousin Luca is in town for the summer and he is a fuh-fuh-fuh-FOX. Or so Stacey thinks. But he’s also seventeen. Stacey decides it’s a good policy to let Luca think she’s sixteen. Yay for inadvertent statutory rape! Wait….he’s still a minor, so I guess it technically isn’t, but it’s still creepy. Stacey also fails to tell him that she has the diabeetus, and her blood sugar dips low when they go on a hike. Eeek!

Also meanwhile….Claud needs to take summer school. She failed science or some such nonsense. Her parents say that she needs to get a C in summer school in order to stay in the BSC. And instead of hiring a tutor, or making genius Janine help her, they allow her 13 year old friends to help. Cause that really fucking sounds like the Kishis, right? Also Claud’s clothes are a huuuge disappointment. I really wanted to see the Pebbles outfit, or the Mrs. Frizzle outfit, or some Sheep, which are IN. But instead we got a lame somewhat tie-dyed tshirt with a heart on it and a shirt in a bandana pattern. SNORE.

Anyway….Kristy continues to see her dad in secret. She skives off day camp several times and tutoring sessions with Claud. She even (gasp) misses a BSC meeting. To be fair, the whole nazism about making every meeting is her own rule. So that’s pretty shitty of her.

Claud gets her first “Brilliant idea.” The BSC wants a premises besides Claud’s bedroom for their meetings. Claudia finds some unused greenhouses that the town has let fall in to disrepair. They apply with the civic association to be able to use the greenhouses for their premises. Have you ever been into a green house? Let’s just say that only someone who needs to take summer school would think it a good idea to, I don’t know, hang out in a green house for purposes other than growing plants. So they begin to fix up the green house, using illegal child labor. That is to say, their baby sitting charges.

Kristy continues to leave day camp early and miss out on all the good things. Like Jackie Rodowsky getting his first hit. (I’d like to point out here that Jackie’s parents also missed out on that, but Jackie is more upset that Kristy isn’t there. ) Claud is all “you really let Jackie down, Kristy. But Claudia shouldn’t be so sad because Kristy and the rest of the BSC (along with Logan and Alan Gray) are there to help her pass her science final. In the form of a rap. “The brain. The brain. The center of the chain.” And it totally helps. Claudia whisper-sings it WHILE taking the final! Well, if that’s all it took, the Kishis could just turn Janine into a rap star and Claudia would totally be a straight-A student.

Um yeah…so I haven’t mentioned much about Alan Gray. In the movie he has a crush on Dawn. And there is this really odd scene where he’s like “you make me want to….to fly,” and runs around doing this retarded-bird thing. Kinda hard to explain.

Kristy has a talk with her dad. She’s suspicious of why he’s being secretive about being back in the ‘brook. He promises on her birthday, which is at the end of summer, he will let everyone know he’s back. She’s to meet him at the carnival on her birtdhay. But oh noes! The BSC is throwing her a bday party at Mallory’s parent’s cabin. Because people with 8 kids can TOTALLY afford to have a cabin!

Here is the best scene in the movie…and I don’t mean this snarkily at all, it really is pretty funny. Stacey and Claud go to NY. Luca is going to meet them and they’ll go to a teen club. But rut-roh. It’s 16 and over! Luca gets in and Claud and Stacey try to say they lost their IDs. The bouncer pulls Stacey’s ID out of her wallet and tells them they can’t come in. Then cut to the cab ride where Luca is sitting between Stacey and Claud. He’s shouting “Thirteen? I can’t belive you are only Thirteen! THIRTEEN?” Stacey and Claud are sulky and Stacey says to the cabbie “stop here, let me out.” Luca says “Do NOT stop here, she’s a child! She can’t be walking alone.” Hmm…I didn’t do that scene justice, but it’s really funny.
*OK, I was just looking on YouTube for this scene. I couldn’t find it, but I did find THIS. Which is waaaaaaaaay funnier than the Luca scene. Watch it, and make sure the volume is on.

Anyway, the kids at the camp continue to torture Mrs. Haberman by throwing stuff over the fence into her garden. She threatens to have the camp closed down. So Dawn goes over there and offers her some of her weed. I mean, herbs, from her own garden. Dawn and Mrs. Haberman make all hippie-nice with each other. Booooring. I didn’t get to watch much of this scene because Grady was throwing play doh all over the place.

Kristy tells the gals that she’ll be late to her own party. She goes to meet her dad at the carnival, but guess who does a no-show. It starts to rain and the carnival closes down, but Kristy stays there knowing her ever-so-dependable papa will be there, right? No he doesn’t come. She calls Mal’s cabin from a payphone and the girls feel they need to go look for her. And god forbid anyone call a fucking parent. I mean, they are only thirteen! So Stacey calls Luca. Luca is more than happy to drive a bunch of 11 and 13 year olds all around town in the pouring rain. They find Kristy and it’s group hug. But what’s that? Stacey and Luca are looking over the crowd of girls making sexy-eyes at each other!

Back at the cabin, Stacey and Luca are talking and he says he’s coming back to the ‘brook next summer. Stacey simpers “next summer, I’ll be fourteen!” And Luca is all “hell yeah!” Completely forgetting that next summer he’ll be eighteen, and fucking a 14 year old is much much worse for an 18 year old than it would be for a 17 year old. Gross. So the girls have a heart to heart with Kristy and she apologized for being such a slacker. All is forgiven. Awwww….

During that night while the girls are at their party, Cokie and her friends vandalize the green house. They TP and shaving cream the whole place. But with a little laughter and some nice montage music, the BSC manages to clean it up just in time for the civic association. Thanks to Mrs. Habrman’s machinations, the girls are allowed to use it for their office. BUT cut to their first meeting there and it’s hot and everyone misses the comforts of Claud’s bedroom. So they use their profits from the day camp and buy Mrs. Haberman a bunch of new plants and donate the greenhouse to her for a garden center. Awwww…..all’s well that ends well. Also Kristy’s dad moved to Colorado and is going to try to correspond with her more. Or something. By this point I had pretty much stopped watching and was trying to get a certain little boy to eat his lunch. Sigh. If only I had the BSC to solve all my parenting problems.

  • What the fuck was up with Mallory’s outfits? She wore neckties, and one time even a bowtie with button up shirts, suspendered to hiked up shorts.
  • Heh. Kristy wears boxers. The first girl I ever knew who was openly a lesbian also wore boxers. Just sayin’….
  • When Mrs. Haberman meets Dawn, she says (of her name) “Dawn? How 60’s.” Ummm….I have another thought on the name Dawn. I sincerely don’t want to offend anyone, but I’ve always thought of it as a kind of rednecky name. But maybe that’s just me. Also, not every Dawn I’ve ever met has been a redneck. Hell, most of them haven’t been. It’s just a general feeling I get from the name.
  • According to IMDB, Aaron Michael Metchik, who played Alan Gray, is currently an acting coach. To Zac Efron. Who I have only seen in Hairspray and I had no real problem with his acting. Also, Aaron Michael Metchik’s younger brother, Asher, played Jackie Rodowsky.
  • Stacey’s mom seemingly has no problem with Stacey dating a 17 year old. But I think Mrs. McGill fancies herself quite the MILF.
  • So when Kristy keeps leaving camp early, the girls all assume she has a boyfriend, when they see her dad picking her up in the rape van. Because that’s a REAL logical assumption.
  • Kristy’s dad has a kitchenette in his rape van. And he makes Kristy sperm pancakes. He calls them mouse pancakes, don’t tell me a man who drives a rape van isn’t making sperm pancakes.
  • My overuse of the phrase rape van is making me uncomfortable. I will cease to speak of the rape van from here on out.
  • Seriously, watch that Youtube clip I linked up there. It’s so funny.
  • I found a mistake! The day camp flyers say it starts on July 5th. But on the calendar in Claud’s room, it’s marked on July 7th.
  • Kristy thinks that if Claudia fails her final, it will be all her (Kristy’s) fault. I fail to see that at all. It will be all Claudia’s fault. And her parents fault for allowing her to take part in this ridiculous day camp after she failed a class.
  • Heh. Even in the movie Mallory can’t catch a break. She’s in charge of the Time Out area at day camp.
  • Poor Jessi. I think she had only four or five lines in the whole movie. Sister just can’t catch a break. I think it’s racism.

So, this is totally not related to this post at all. I’m shutting down my other blog. I just don’t have the time to keep up with two blogs anymore. So, I’m sorry to say that I may be interjecting some things other than book reviews on here. Every now and then Ihave something else I have to write. Like the story of what my husband did after his office holiday party. I’m going to miss having that in writing. One of these days, I will retell the story for you all. I know it’s not book related, but it’s a great story. You won’t be sorry to hear (read) it.

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About nikkihb

Wife. Mother. Reader. Blogger.
This entry was posted in abandoned kids, Ann M. Martin, BSC, non-book review. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to "The brain, the brain, the center of the chain…."Or The Baby Sitter’s Club Movie

  1. Sadako says:

    Actually this was one continuity thing that sort of makes sense. They ran the playgroup the summer before eighth grade and I’m assuming the movie takes place the summer after (not that they’ll ever go into high school).Anyway, you’re right about how the characters’ personalities aren’t really in keeping–except for MA and Kristy. Dawn seems really ditzy, Claudia just seems…stupid, and Stacey seems even more airheaded than usual.Oh, and the girl who played Cokie also played Gia on Full House.

  2. BananaBomb says:

    I’m so lame I bought the DVD. But it was in the Walmart discount bin so that makes up for it. The only part I can remember Cokie and her nameless friends leaving their Docs in the wet cement. (Why are 13 year olds wearing thigh highs??) I didn’t really like the actress who played Kristy either, I don’t care whose daughter she is. TV Kristy is much better. The actress who was Stacey’s mother also played Yvette the Former Prostitute turned French maid in Clue.

  3. Donica says:

    Cokie’s friends were Grace (blume) and Bebe. Grace (the redhead) was Natanya Ross, who played Robin on Alex Mack.I totally bought the movie a year and a half ago

  4. Sadako says:

    Stacey’s mom was Yvette from Clueless? Yikes. Always knew that Stacey’s mom had it goin’ on!

  5. dont forget sadako, stacey's mom also starred in tales from the crypt in the episode "korman's kalamity" where she played korman's bitchy wife who gets eaten by a monster.dude i loved gia from full house. she was kickass in the series next to steve and dj.schyler fisk also starred in snow day from what ive heard and she was in a episode of one tree hill (i forgot which episode.)i loved the movie. The movie stacey definitely looked like the way i imagined stacey to be.I loved lucas too. I thought lucas was hot and perfect for stacey.I also liked the famous "THIRTEEN" scene. that was my favorite part in the movie.the only thing that was stupid was when they made logan normal and with longer hair instead of having that southern accent like he was supposed to have.loved the movie, even though kristy's father was such a fucking douche.

  6. Sara says:

    Oh God, this movie. Despite all its flaws and lack of logic and boringly stereotypical antagonists I…kind of love it. Unironically. It’s a nostalgia thing for me, the BSC series was my best friend as a kid…the earlier stuff, anyway. I stopped reading somewhere around book 83.

  7. Julie says:

    The redhead friend of Cokie’s was also on Boy Meets World! Cory and Shawn gave her a makeover and I think she went by the name Inga. Oh and I think you need an entire entry about the soundtrack for this movie. Loving your blog!! Just discovered it tonight!

    -Julie

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