Has everyone bought their copy of The Summer Before? I haven’t. *Hangs head in shame*. My fucking Borders didn’t have them in yet. I meant to go to Barnes and Noble today….but it didn’t quite happen.
Anyway, now we know what happened before the BSC became the BSC. But what about what happened afterward? Do you really want to troll through a bunch of ridiculous fanfiction to find out? I know you don’t. So I’m taking a page from Sadako and making my own Where are They Now-The BSC edition. And as a side note, Sadako’s is way funnier and far more clever than my own. If you haven’t read it, click the link please.
Kristy Thomas. It’s obvious that Kristy and Abby are meant to be together, right? Though they don’t realize it until their Junior years at Smith. When they graduate, Kristy becomes a trainer of police dogs and Abby becomes a gym teacher. They live in Stoneybrook. Abby’s nickname for Kristy is ‘Bossy Beast,’ and Kristy called Abby “Achoo Abby.’ It’s a terrible nickname, but Abby pretends to like it.
Claudia Kishi. Claudia wasn’t able to get into college after her name was misspelled on every last application. (Really, Caludia?) She ended up making a name for herself as an artist. She never married but left a sad trail of chlamydia and aborted fetuses all across North America and much of Western Europe. She still can’t spell.
Stacey McGill. Stacey married a much older sugar-daddy when she was twenty three, the same age as her husband’s oldest son from his first marriage. She had two kids, by surrogate (there will be no Julia Roberts from Steel Magnolias ending for her) and has them raised exclusively by nannies who speak French. Then she sends them to a Manhattan Prep School, where their shenanigans are filmed by an MTV crew. Stacey remains convinced that she’s not so vanilla, remembering the time that she and her sorority sister Winona Ryder, drank too much sangria and made out a little.
Mary Anne Spier. Come on, you guys know this one. Mary Anne graduates from a public university in exactly four years. She gets a job as a kindergarten teacher. She marries her college sweetheart exactly one year later. Two years after getting married, Mary Anne has the first of her two daughters who are named Alma and Abigail – both after her dead mother who seems to have had two names. Don’t tell me this isn’t what she’d be doing.
Dawn Schafer. Dawn decides that Rachelle is just not right for Ed Begley, Jr, not being enough of an environmentalist. So she sets out to steal EB, Jr. away and is successful. They leave their wedding in their no-emission cars powered by their own sense of self-satisfaction.
Mallory Pike. Never does become a children’s writer. She’s stuck in a technical writing job at Pickering Industries. She marries the first guy she meets who insists he doesn’t want to have kids either. (Also, bonus points to whomever gets the Pickering Industries reference). I guess she grew into her looks?
Jessi Ramsey. Poor Jessi. Puberty was not kind to her, especially with so much access to Claudia’s junk food stash. She never retained her dancer’s body. Much to the consternation of her parents, Jessi marries a white guy. Though she does decorate their house in African Art and insists that white hubby celebrate Kwanzaa with her. She pushed her own kids into dance.
Logan Bruno. Logan moves back to Kentucky and plays third string quarterback at a Division III university, which obviously makes him tough shit. After graduation he packs on about a hundred pounds and marries young. They have four kids. Whenever he and his wife are getting intimate, Logan must picture Mary Anne Spier’s face in order to get off.
Shannon Kilbourne. Who knows? And really, who cares?
And…..here are some others, just for funsies.
Karen Brewer. No one will admit they’re more relieved than sad when Karen dies in a fiery car crash.
Byron Pike. Byron’s lifelong love of Jeff Schafer took him out to California for college. They dated for a while until Jeff decided he was more bicurious than bisexual and left him. Byron was sad and stuck in California. Luckily, he found true happiness in the way of Ducky McCrae. (The six year age difference is way less creepy when it’s…say 21 and 27).
Janine Kishi. Two years into undergrad at MIT, Janine had a nervous breakdown caused by years of parental pushing . Janine dropped out, moved back home and began concocting a newer, stronger, cleaner meth in the Kishi bathtub. Janine became moderately wealthy selling the stuff, until her own addiction to meth caused her to lose all that money. (Not to mention her teeth, her creamy complexion and much of her hair.)
Charlotte Johannsen. Much to everyone’s surprise, shy Charlotte became an actress. She is extremely reclusive and is a well-known method actor. She makes about one movie every two years and it is always critically acclaimed. She’ll never do PR for her movies and will never appear at awards shows. The public knows little to nothing about this mysterious actress.
Cokie Mason. Cokie dies in an unfortunate Phi Mu hazing incident. She was nineteen years old. Grace Blume insists that Cokie died doing what she loved and the Phi Mus shouldn’t be punished.
Alan Gray. Alan grows up to be a famous stand up comedian. On one tour across the country, he meets a Maryland woman who writes this weird blog where she read and reviews books from her childhood. Alan is immediately smitten and the two start a torrid romance. Um…what? I have a thing for him!