The BSC. Where are they now?

Has everyone bought their copy of The Summer Before?  I haven’t.  *Hangs head in shame*.  My fucking Borders didn’t have them in yet.  I meant to go to Barnes and Noble today….but it didn’t quite happen. 

Anyway, now we know what happened before the BSC became the BSC.  But what about what happened afterward?  Do you really want to troll through a bunch of ridiculous fanfiction to find out?   I know you don’t.  So I’m taking a page from Sadako and making my own Where are They Now-The BSC edition.  And as a side note, Sadako’s is way funnier and far more clever than my own.  If you haven’t read it, click the link please.

Kristy Thomas.  It’s obvious that Kristy and Abby are meant to be together, right?  Though they don’t realize it until their Junior years at Smith.  When they graduate, Kristy becomes a trainer of police dogs and Abby becomes a gym teacher.  They live in Stoneybrook.  Abby’s nickname for Kristy is ‘Bossy Beast,’ and Kristy called Abby “Achoo Abby.’  It’s a terrible nickname, but Abby pretends to like it.

Claudia Kishi.  Claudia wasn’t able to get into college after her name was misspelled on every last application.  (Really, Caludia?)  She ended up making a name for herself as an artist.  She never married but left a sad trail of chlamydia and aborted fetuses all across North America and much of Western Europe.  She still can’t spell. 

Stacey McGill.  Stacey married a much older sugar-daddy when she was twenty three, the same age as her husband’s oldest son from his first marriage.  She had two kids, by surrogate (there will be no Julia Roberts from Steel Magnolias ending for her) and has them raised exclusively by nannies who speak French.  Then she sends them to a Manhattan Prep School, where their shenanigans are filmed by an MTV crew.  Stacey remains convinced that she’s not so vanilla, remembering the time that she and her sorority sister Winona Ryder, drank too much sangria and made out a little.

Mary Anne Spier.  Come on, you guys know this one.  Mary Anne graduates from a public university in exactly four years.  She gets a job as a kindergarten teacher.  She marries her college sweetheart exactly one year later.  Two years after getting married, Mary Anne has the first of her two daughters who are named Alma and Abigail – both after her dead mother who seems to have had two names.  Don’t tell me this isn’t what she’d be doing. 

Dawn Schafer.  Dawn decides that Rachelle is just not right for Ed Begley, Jr, not being enough of an environmentalist.  So she sets out to steal EB, Jr. away and is successful. They leave their wedding in their no-emission cars powered by their own sense of self-satisfaction.  

Mallory Pike.  Never does become a children’s writer.  She’s stuck in a technical writing job at Pickering Industries.  She marries the first guy she meets who insists he doesn’t want to have kids either. (Also, bonus points to whomever gets the Pickering Industries reference).  I guess she grew into her looks?

Jessi Ramsey.  Poor Jessi.  Puberty was not kind to her, especially with so much access to Claudia’s junk food stash.  She never retained her dancer’s body.  Much to the consternation of her parents, Jessi marries a white guy.  Though she does decorate their house in African Art and insists that white hubby celebrate Kwanzaa with her.   She pushed her own kids into dance. 

Logan Bruno.  Logan moves back to Kentucky and plays third string quarterback at a Division III university, which obviously makes him tough shit.  After graduation he packs on about a hundred pounds and marries young.  They have four kids.  Whenever he and his wife are getting intimate, Logan must picture Mary Anne Spier’s face in order to get off. 

Shannon Kilbourne.  Who knows?  And really, who cares?

And… are some others, just for funsies.

Karen Brewer.  No one will admit they’re more relieved than sad when Karen dies in a fiery car crash.

Byron Pike.  Byron’s lifelong love of Jeff Schafer took him out to California for college.  They dated for a while until Jeff decided he was more bicurious than bisexual and left him.  Byron was sad and stuck in California.  Luckily, he found true happiness in the way of Ducky McCrae. (The six year age difference is way less creepy when it’s…say 21 and 27).

Janine Kishi.  Two years into undergrad at MIT, Janine had a nervous breakdown caused by years of parental pushing .  Janine dropped out, moved back home and began concocting a newer, stronger, cleaner meth in the Kishi bathtub.  Janine became moderately wealthy selling the stuff, until her own addiction to meth caused her to lose all that money.  (Not to mention her teeth, her creamy complexion and much of her hair.)

Charlotte Johannsen.  Much to everyone’s surprise, shy Charlotte became an actress.  She is extremely reclusive and is a well-known method actor.  She makes about one movie every two years and it is always critically acclaimed.  She’ll never do PR for her movies and will never appear at awards shows.  The public knows little to nothing about this mysterious actress. 

Cokie Mason. Cokie dies in an unfortunate Phi Mu hazing incident.  She was nineteen years old.  Grace Blume insists that Cokie died doing what she loved and the Phi Mus shouldn’t be punished.

Alan Gray.  Alan grows up to be a famous stand up comedian. On one tour across the country, he meets a Maryland woman who writes this weird blog where she read and reviews books from her childhood.  Alan is immediately smitten and the two start a torrid romance.  Um…what?  I have a thing for him!


About nikkihb

Wife. Mother. Reader. Blogger.
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22 Responses to The BSC. Where are they now?

  1. K. says:

    I JUST read in another blog that The Summer Before is out now, and I got way too excited and rushed to order it from Amazon. SO EXCITED.Also, totally digging this "where are they now." Made my day. 🙂

  2. ali says:

    I was so disappointed by The Summer Before; reading the "after" is much more enjoyable. Great post!

  3. Anonymous says:

    I absolutely LOVE the Charlotte Johannsen one. That NEEDS to be canon!

  4. Caroline says:

    In my "Where are they now," Janine and Charlie are together. But I laughed so hard at Alma and Abigail. And I totally see that being Alan's future.

  5. oldschoolpopculture says:

    I found the prequel to be a bit lackluster. The whole time I was reading it, I kept wishing I were reading about the BSC members in high school or college. You just made my day!

  6. Sadako says:

    Ha! That Charlotte thing is golden. Thanks for the shout out, too!

  7. I knew Janine was a meth head. The Kishi's are so proud of their daughters. And Shannon, she is thrice divorced, shows dogs and survives on a concoction of pills and dirty martinis.

  8. nikki says:

    Good call on Shannon, Carrie. She was always high strung. And of course you know Janine is a meth head. It was pretty much your idea that someone HAD to be. Poor Ma and Pa Kishi. What would Mimi think?Caroline – I was thisclose to making Charlie and Janine together. But the meth thing was too good to pass up.

  9. RMb says:

    EPIC win. ❤ ❤

  10. sarish says:

    I have a thing for Alan too…love how you see him! And Mary Anne's future…most definitely. Poor Karen!

  11. Lorelai says:

    This is awesome…but what about the fabulous Pete Black? Oh, Pete Black. My loins spontaneously combust at the mere mention of his name

  12. nikki says:

    Lorelai – are you the one on BSC Snark on LJ who is going to marry Pete Black and I offered to make it a double wedding with me marrying Alan Gray? If that's the case, I'll have Pete Black on the road with Alan Gray as part of a comedy duo. He meets you and marries you.

  13. Lorelai says:

    Hehe yes, that's me! Oh, how I love that scenario. You know our double wedding would be FABULOUS.

  14. Alison says:

    Why am I not surprised about Janine or Claudia? Meth labs and a trail of aborted fetuses and chlamydia could have all been prevented if the Kishis would have let the girls read Nancy Drew and eat junk food.

  15. Anonymous says:

    This was a great blog post and you were spot on foe every person…expect for 1:"Karen Brewer. No one will admit they’re more relieved than sad when Karen dies in a fiery car crash." You fail. This is the most fail thing ever written about the BSC books ever. I hope you go to hell.

  16. nikki says:

    Anon – I'm pretty certain that if there is a hell, making up a scenario in which a fictional character dies in a fictional car crash is not going to be the thing to send me there. I've done much worse to get there.

  17. Spongey444 says:

    Karen is fucking KID! That's just mean

  18. nikki says:

    Actually, Spongey – she's not a kid. She's fictional! That's the beauty of it. I can't actually wish her dead, because she doesn't fucking exist.

  19. daci jaye says:

    This was amazing… and the Karen prediction was the best of all. If she'd just taken the time to learn her contractions, maybe she wouldn't be in this terrible mess.

  20. nikki says:

    Exactly, daci jaye. That is a very good point.

  21. charmecia says:

    i know what happened to pete black.pete black decided that after being president of the 8th grade, he decides to go into politics and tries to run for mayor of stoneybrook, which he competes against grace blume, emily bernstein,dorrie walingford, and miranda shilaber. but miranda had to drop out due to an early pregancy(by an unknown male), and emily bernstein quits after realizing that journal writing is much more thrilling.pete's votes become popular, but he loses to grace blume, and grace blume becomes mayor of stoneybrook, and actually does a much better job as mayor, especially now that cokie is dead.pete becomes grace's secretary and they soon start having an affair in and out of the office,but grace soon drops him for a much hotter guy(like trevor sandbourne)pete later tries to run for president of the united states, then realizes that being the president is much harder work. so he soon decides to run as senator of the united states and stays on in that field, and tries to date other women, but only for passion, not romance.that's what happened to pete black

  22. charmecia says:

    and i know what happened to shannon kilboune too and hers is much more tragic. Shannon's mom and dad decide to divorce each other after 15 wonderful years of stress and heartache. Shannon's mom decides to take tiffany and maria and leaves stoneybrook to go off elsewhere like say california? Mr.Killbourne decides to stay in stoneybrook but moves into a much decent apartment in the ritziest towns of stoneybrook connecticut. Shannon becomes depressed and starts dropping out of her after school activities.then shannon later graduates from Stoneybrook Day school and enrolls into college at an early age, but soon becomes depressed over the fact that once again she can't believe her parents are divorced and soon drops out of college. Shannon then decides to go into the role of modeling and moves to new york to land a modeling career and succeeds. she then meets kimora lee simmons and becomes friends with her, and also runs into kloe and kim kardasian and moves in with them and leaves new york for california.then shannon meets paris hilton and has an affair with her, but then realizes that she isnt gay and breaks it off to paris hilton. then shannon leaves LA and moves to beverly hills.she runs into stacey mcgill and the two become good pals(did i add that stacey moved to beverly hills with her hubby) and shannon buys a house next door to stacey mcgill and her house has an indoor pool as big as versace's and totally decorated with Indian and Egyptian styles.And Shannon marries a hard working, Rich, but very kind and sweet guy, who is like christina aguilera's husband. and shannon has two kids, one named xavier, who is blonde haired and blue eyed and a boy.and a girl named alexandria, who has strawberry blonde hair and green eyes, just like her father, who has brown hair and green eyes.and that's what happened to shannon, unless you want to add that shannon will end up having breast cancer while in her 20's. but that's just me.

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