Oh, Facebook

People think I’m a grammar stickler, but really I’m not.  I notice grammatical errors, but I very rarely point them out. If you spend any amount of time on Facebook, chances are that you, too, come across more grammatical errors than you can count.  And normally, that’s OK. I want Facebook to be a friendly place so badly, and I genuinely don’t care if someone fails to use apostrophes in their status update about their kids’ soccer games. Usually, I’m just happy to know someone’s kid won a soccer game.

But if you’re going to use Facebook to be a dick? I will be all over your poor grammar – like a fly on shit. If you’re going to go on a rant about how the eebil homosecshuals are taking over the world with their big homosecshual agenda, or you are choosing to use your Facebook time to let everyone know of your very righteous indignation over the Satanic Atheist Muslims (and, I seriously don’t know if there should be commas there.  Like, are we talking about Satanists AND Atheists AND Muslims? Or do people actually think it’s possible for one person to be a Satanic Atheist Muslim?) trying to destroy a righteous Christian business like Chick-Fil-A, and you fail to use proper grammar and punctuation? As I said before – like a fly on shit.

Then when I call someone out on their grammar (usually also calling out their moronic ideals), I inevitably will get back a comment like this, “LOL I didnt know this was english class”

So listen up, English teachers of the world! You have students who actually believe that you’re teaching them grammar, not to use in the real world, but to be used exclusively while in your classes.  Amazing, right? Can you imagine someone making a mistake in arithmetic while balancing their checkbook, then bouncing checks and then saying to the bank, “LOL I didnt know this was math class!”

Arithmetic has a place in the real world, and so does grammar. Proper grammar and punctuation are nothing more than an agreed-upon set of rules used to make communications easier. You don’t think commas matter ? Take a look at this:

Commas, right?

Here’s the thing. I’ll usually be able to grasp the meaning of your status update/rant. But if you truly think you have a good point to make, and you use awful grammar and punctuation while attempting to make that point, the only point you’re really making is that you are stupid and lazy.  And if you had used better grammar, maybe I would have been more convinced on your points about the Gay Satantic Atheist Muslims. (OK, maybe not. But still.)

And I’m not perfect. Far from it. Most of the time I use Facebook, I’m on my phone, which isn’t exactly conducive to proofreading my updates or comments. But I’m not talking about typos or simple misspellings. I’m talking about really awful grammar.

So, if you don’t want me to call you out on your bad Facebook grammar, you can do one of two things?

1. Use better grammar; and

2. Don’t be a dick.




*My kid is about to wake up from a nap, which means I am going to hit the publish button without proofreading. Which means, I have no doubt made several embarrassing mistakes in the above post. For that, I deeply apologize. Also, feel free to call me out over them in the comments section.


About nikkihb

Wife. Mother. Reader. Blogger.
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12 Responses to Oh, Facebook

  1. I really like your argument against “LOL I didnt know this was english class”. The next time I get pulled over by a cop I’m going to say “LOL I didn’t know this was driving class”.

  2. Julie says:

    AMEN!! I was indeed an English teacher, for sixth grade, and I am a grammar/spelling stickler, and was always drilling it into the kids\’ heads that it\’s okay to make mistakes now, because you\’re very young and it\’s mostly acceptable, but THEN YOU MUST LEARN FROM THOSE MISTAKES, because there is no excuse when you\’re older!!
    (I\’m an occasional reader/lurker who found your blog from your hilarious BSC posts, but had to delurk to join in the grammar party! Also, have you read the picture books by the author of Eats, Shoots, Leaves? One\’s about commas and the other\’s about apostrophes. They are adorable and hilarious and of course I used them for classroom read alouds!)

    • nikkihb says:

      Thank you for coming out of lurkdom! I read Eats, Shoots and Leaves, but I haven’t picked up the picture books. I probably will when my sons are older. Several years ago, I came across a paper I had written in my senior year old high school. I put an apostrophe in every ‘it’s’ whether I needed one or not. I can’t believe I did that! I learned my lesson eventually though, because a couple years later, I had a college professor say to me that I was one of his few students who always used apostrophes correctly. I don’t know what happened in those two or three years….but I figured it out eventually.

  3. Heather says:

    I love this post, and agree a million percent. Texting? I will forgive some errors because those keyboards can be tricky and/or time consuming. Major spelling errors bother me, too. “Loosing” and “losing” do not mean the same thing and I am fairly sure “loosing” is not even a word!

  4. Alicia says:

    The worst are the run-on sentences! Periods are our friends! They’re tired of being forgotten or being replaces by ellipses.
    And honestly? People should know the difference between ‘write’ and ‘right.’ Calling them on it isn’t being the Grammar Police.

  5. Alicia says:

    *replaced. Typos are different than not knowing how to spell, I swear! 🙂

  6. ciara says:

    also a lurker. who intentionally does not capitalize when writing things like blog comments (but i know how to do it), so don’t get upset! i agree & aside from stylistic choices, i’m all about the proper grammar. i am just commenting with a hilarious warning: i know you are a mom who mostly writes a blog about YA fiction & sometimes stuff like this. my blog is mostly day-to-day ramblings sprinkled with political/feminist content, but i’m pregnant now, so it has kind of turned into a pregnancy blog. & last night someone took umbrage with something i wrote at some point (something political? some parenting philosophy? don’t know) & commented, “your baby is ugly.” my unborn baby. which probably is king of ugly because 15-week-old fetuses aren’t known for their dashing good looks. just wanted to share, in case you get some anons coming along & saying, “ur a grammer nazi and ur baby’s smell LOL ur just jellus.” oh, the internet.

    • nikkihb says:

      Sorry. I just laughed out loud at ‘your baby is ugly.’ What a perfectly awful thing to say, even though it’s quite true. Fetuses are weird and alien looking. Such a bizarre thing for someone to say.

  7. Helen says:

    This post has made me so very happy!

    I’m a big fan of semi colons. I hate semi colon abuse.

  8. Alicia says:

    The only problem I noticed with this graphic is that the pictures don’t match the words. The strippers should be draw first before JFK & Stalin since they’re mentioned first.

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