*Minor spoilers ahead*
It’s no surprise Netflix wanted to cash in on the nostalgia-fueled success of Disney Channel’s Girl Meets World. Full House was the logical choice for them, because literally NO ONE cares what Urkel or the family from Step by Step is up to now.
Look, it’s not like anyone expected this to be good. And it’s not just that it’s bad (and believe me, it’s bad) but that it’s so fucking pointless. Exercises in nostalgia are all well and good, I mean this whole blog exists on it, but it should at least be entertaining. Netflix’s own Wet Hot American Summer series showed that it could be done. The Wet Hot series worked incredibly well with the movie.
But Fuller House doesn’t really work on any level. Girl Meets World, which isn’t perfect by any means, actually works as a show separate from it’s original Boy Meets World. Wet Hot works as a companion to it’s original film. Fuller House? The references to the original are forced, and the characters, while older, haven’t grown at all. It’s disconcerting seeing Joey Gladstone doing Bullwinkle impressions, seeing Steve still eating everything in sight, and watching Danny clean compulsively.
The plot is even recycled badly from the original. This time it’s DJ (now a veterinarian) who is widowed with three boys, ages 13, 6, and a baby. So Stephanie and Kimmy move in to help her out with her kids, along with Kimmy’s thirteen year old daughter.
Look, the internet is already filled to the brim with Fuller House reviews. And they all mostly agree that the show is bad. And it is. Rather than go on an on about how unnecessary the show’s existence is, I’m going to give you specifics about what is bad (and to be fair, what is good) about the show:
- Kimmy’s soon-to-be ex-husband, Fernando. His whole character is so cringe-worthy because the writers seem to think people with accents are funny simply because they have accents. The studio audience actually broke into laughter when Fernando said his full name. Which I guess was funny because, I don’t know? It’s somehow hilarious to hear a guy say Fernando Arnanda Herrero Hernandez Guerrero because he’s not speaking ‘Murican? Also, he’s referred to as Latin a few times, but he’s actually from Spain, which in case you didn’t know is in Europe, not Latin America. His accent is constantly played for laughs or insults.
- Sloppy guests stars. Macy Gray, those guys from Dancing With the Stars, and Hunter Pence are wedged in and aren’t funny. So in that way, it’s just like Full House.
- The meta-humor is terrible. They make references to things like The View, child actors, and a few finger-wagging jokes about Michelle not being there. OK, but no one liked Michelle the first time around, so what’s the big fucking deal that Mary Kate and Ashley didn’t want to do the show? They aren’t even acting anymore. It really comes off as disrespectful to the Olsen twins to make snide remarks about their absence.
- The audience thinks it’s HILARIOUS when one of the cast members uses their old catch phrase. News flash: “How rude!” “Oh Mylanta.,” “Have Mercy,” are NOT jokes. There is nothing funny about those words and for god’s sake if they try to make ‘Holy Chalupas’ a thing, I will scream.
- Let’s talk about these child actors. No, let’s just talk about Elias Harger, who plays DJ’s middle son Max. This kid can NOT act. He shouts his lines at near top volume and is constantly mugging for the camera. And for whatever reason he is the kid they’ve chosen to give most of the screen time to.
- The appearances by Danny, Jesse, Joey and Becky don’t happen every episode and THANK GOD for that because the show drags as soon as any of them appear onscreen. Especially Joey and his stupid face and Bullwinkle impression that is….ugh. I want to punch him in his face.
- The laugh track (or studio audience, whichever) is overly distracting and too loud. Miller, Boyett & Co. need to know it’s not the 90’s anymore, and people aren’t so into the multi-cam laugh track shtick anymore.
- I think Jodie Sweetin must be trying to get a singing career off the ground, because they have shoe-horned her singing in nearly every episode.
- Steve is a creeper. Total stalking weirdo. It’s not even believable that DJ would be considering dating him. Also, I’m not sure if they mentioned how long ago her husband died? Because her youngest kid looks only about eight or nine months old. Seems kind of like she’s rushing back into the whole dating thing, and getting right into a love triangle to boot.
- The first episode is the absolute worst. It’s unbelievably awful, which means it only goes up from there!
- The decision to focus mainly on the three women (DJ, Stephanie and Kimmy) was a good one. Those are the strongest storylines in any given episode. And there’s actually an unexpectedly good chemistry between Kimmy (Andrea Barber) and Stephanie (Jodie Sweetin). Given their personalities, it actually makes more sense that they would be BFFs as adults than DJ and Kimmy.
- Some of the humor is more adult than it was in the original. The adults all drink, but especially Steph who downs tequila like no one’s business and even makes reference to smoking pot and sleeping around. They also make reference to her big fake boobs. The down side to this grown-up humor is having to hear Uncle Jesse make a jizz joke.
- The show itself is less treacly than the original. Fewer very special moments where everyone talks it out and hugs it out happily.
- Kimmy has been toned down a notch. But not her wardrobe. Check out these rad scarves she wears:
- You can sometimes tell when the actors in a show/movie are having a good time filming. This is one of those cases. The cast of this show is known for being close, and you can tell they were having a blast on the set. It actually makes the awfulness of the show seem less awful somehow.
- One thing that legit made me laugh. Stephanie works as a club DJ, and her club name? DJ Tanner. It probably isn’t as funny as I thought, but for whatever reason, I liked it.
So that’s it. Those are my thoughts. It’s not really worth watching, but I know that won’t stop many of you from being curious. In all honesty? I’d actually tune into a second season if they’d make some better choices. No Danny/Jesse/Joey cameos unless absolutely necessary, give Fernando an actual personality besides “Spanish Guy,” Actually show DJ mourning her husband, Show Stephanie trying to deal with the news of not being able to have kids for longer than the two minutes that was spent on it, Stop trying to squeeze meta-humor in, Tone down the laugh track, Get rid of Steve altogether, Lay off Max’s storylines, and lay off the unnecessary guest stars.